First Few Meetings 411

Sugars beware!  I have told you how important screening and safety is but I would like to share a real life scenario with you to help you understand that when you go to a meet for the first time the work you did on screening and safety can come into play.  

Dislaimer:  The names have been changed to protect those involved except mine.  I am the victim in this and have police reports and court documents to back up everything I say and will be happy to share if you contact me through email link under certain conditions.

My first journey into the online world of sugar dating brought me to three websites which I placed my profile and at first I was hammered with replies to it.  I did not understand how different searching online was and I was a sucker for a message that so echoed most everything I had put in my profile.  After just a couple messages I gave this Pot. by personal email that was connected to my internet service provider which was a mistake.  Using a web based email is better and it gave him my full name that was connected to my profile for my ISP along with my address.  A few emails later and we graduated to phone calls.   I had never seen a picture of him at this point and he told me he needed to do this to protect his identity and I just naively trusted he was telling me the truth.  He agreed to come to my town for the first meet which is so important in terms of safety and when he asked me where he should stay I referred him to a suites hotel that I was a personal friend of the manager.  She was one of three people who were my safety net and actually knew I was meeting him.  They did not all agree with my choice to go back into the sugar world but supported me in my decision as friends because it is my choice to make.
I had been talking to another SD as well and got caught up in sharing that I was meeting this Pot.. as the time came for me to go to meet him I broke a cardinal rule.. I agreed to meet him in his suite but felt it was okay because of my safety net.  That night was difficult for me, I did not know that he had people with him that were in the connecting suite next door or that he was not even who he claimed to be.  The end result is that I ended up having dinner in his suite and the bitter tasting diet coke I swallowed was actually laced with a roofie.  Yes you are reading correctly and I suffered dearly for these mistakes.. was raped and I say this because I could not move or fight them off.. and when it was over I had very little memory except bruises and guilt and shame. 

My safety net got suspicious and my manager friend had security go up and they opened the door to find me confused and dazed with not much memory of what happened.. they did the right things by contacting the police, getting me to the hospital.  Now that memory is a distant one but it took hard work to get over and for a while I had to struggle with my choices and who I was.  After the court proceedings were finished I moved on and made the decision to not let this affect me and today lead a very happy healthy life with no more flash backs.  Two of those three men were convicted and those convictions stood up under appeal and the third accepted a plea agreement that was later overturned due to sloppy police work. At first I was ashamed of why I was there and how I met the person .. then I learned that this could have happened in real life situations where you meet the guy in the bar and go to his place.  In the end I learned how important safety was as I am the lucky one.. oh yes because I at least had a safety net in place.. there were people who knew where I was, had an arranged time to contact them and when they did not hear from me and could not get a response from me they set into motion. 

So learn from my example.. do not meet in a private place!
Never go to his home or invite him to yours in the beginning.
Do not give out your address or information that can bring him to your house at first.
Make the first couple meetings about getting to know him better.
Always meet in a public place that is well lit and has people around.. such as a restaurant , lounge, museum etc.
Arrive early and park where your car is not noticeable to him.
Pay attention to his arrival and make a note of his car, how he is dressed how he carries himself.
Watch his body language as he talks to you.
Pay attention to signs that tells you if he is connected in the conversation, does he show that he is interested in what you say?
Does he ask questions that tells you he is wanting to learn more about you?
Avoid sex talk on the first meet.
Never go to his home or hotel on a first meet.

Second meet: If you are still comfortable with him and he is not evoking red flags that tell you he is phony take this opportunity to learn more about his previous arrangements.  If he is new to the sugar world ask him about his expectations for a sugar arrangement.  This is a good time to learn if each of your expectations are clear to each other and if you are on the same page.

There are various types of arrangements: gift arrangements, allowance based, travel only based, shopping based trip, and a combination.  When he brings up an amount he is committing to invest in this arrangement you need to clarify exactly what he means by that amount.  Much confusion at times takes place as there are some who think I spend X amount of dollars on dinner, X amount on hotel, X amount on transportation, I bring her a gift that cost X dollars.  So they add that up deduct it from what they are willing to invest and your allowance is the balance of what is left.  Not all SD's are like this but this does happen.

Some will come thinking they are talking allowance when in truth they are talking about Pay for Play (P4P). This style is where basically a connection often does not matter, they are not invested in you as a person and just want to play and pay for it.  Sometimes just meeting once or twice and moving on, often setting a 3 to 5 hundred dollar range on their expectations.  Some people will argue this is prostitution or even more a escort style of arrangement that is very temporary.  It is not for me to judge but I avoid these simply because it is not for me. 

It is up to us to clarify what we are looking for and speaking out and saying I am sorry but our expectation and needs just do not match but I wish you well in your search.  When confusion arises over an agreement it is often because both parties have not spelled it out and that does not constitute that either side is fake.  So what do you need to clarify when you have reached the point that both of you agree you want an arrangement?

Duration of arrangement.. you need to know if this is based on a month to month agreement or if you both agree to a trial basis of x amount of months.
Exactly how much assistance is he giving in terms of allowance dolllars, gift dollars, travel dollars, etc. 
How often you will meet.
Where you will meet.
How will you receive the financial assistance.
Please note: that the assistance should always come at beginning of arrangement or a determined portioned if you both agree that way.  This develops the start of trust and faith in an arrangement and you should by this time know his expectations as well.  If he expects sugar right away before you enter that arrangement you need to know this and know if this is comfortable for you.  Never assume you are on the same page, talk to him and make sure you are. 
In part 2 I will get more in-depth on the talk and ways to lead up to it.