Know why you are in the sugar world!

A potential SD ask you why are you in the sugar world.. what would your answer be?
Money, gifts, travel???  or do you have goals that you want to accomplish.  We ask questions of a potential but if they are clearly interested in us they will also ask questions.. entering the sugar world and determining if it is right for you.. it is important to ask your self some questions and know the answers for your self before you get put on the spot.

If you simply answer money it sends a message to the Pot that this is all you care about.  When a SD has so much more to offer than just money.. they are in their position to be generous as they are successful and we can learn from that success.  Many SD's can be mentors, offer their wisdom and experience in many different arenas.  Some will assist with education cost, basic living cost and so much more yet many want to know that the money they are investing in you is going to make your life better to some degree.  Why would they want to do this for you?  They develop an emotion bond or connection on some level to you and they can only do this by getting to know you so they ask questions as well.  Here is a list of questions I have been asked in the past which I can tell you when you ask yourself these questions and know the answer it makes it much easier when they ask you. 

Questions:
How do you know you really want to be a sugar babe?
Do you understand what is involved in the sugar world?
Why do you want to be a sugar baby?
What do you think you have to offer in an arrangement that sets you apart from other babes?
How do you envision a sugar arrangement to work?
How do you plan to use your monthly allowance?
Are there things sexually you are not comfortable doing?
Would you be willing to sign a non disclosure form?

You stated in your profile you are a social drinker, what do you consider a social drinker?
During the talk when we are working out the arrangement I have been asked questions like:
Do you enjoy anal sex?
So you shave or wax your puss?
Will you have an objection to spending the night on our meets?
Do you have a passport?
Can I see your identification before we finalize the agreement?

These are all very valid questions when you have came to an agreement or are working out the details.  And if you are offended by these questions understand what you are entering a mutually beneficial arrangement and many SD's have preferences some like shaven, some like certain types of sex, some just meet for a few hours at a time others like overnights.  Many will take you to exotic places and yes you need a passport.  Some want to know that you have not lied to them and make sure that they at least know your name and birth date are true.  This is why you should be yourself and answer questions honestly and never agree to do anything you are not comfortable with.  I had one SD potential who it got to finalizing an agreement with and he said he never uses condoms so would I have a problem with this.  My answer was simply yes.. you must get checked for disease and std's before you could ever touch me without a condom.. he was offended and we went our separate ways.  Safety in all forms is important to me.. and we should all get tested from time to time to be safe. 

There are more questions they could ask so you need to know why you are in the sugar world, what your limitations are in time constraints, what you are willing to do or not do, and know if you feel you can trust the person before entering an arrangement.

First Few Meetings 411

Sugars beware!  I have told you how important screening and safety is but I would like to share a real life scenario with you to help you understand that when you go to a meet for the first time the work you did on screening and safety can come into play.  

Dislaimer:  The names have been changed to protect those involved except mine.  I am the victim in this and have police reports and court documents to back up everything I say and will be happy to share if you contact me through email link under certain conditions.

My first journey into the online world of sugar dating brought me to three websites which I placed my profile and at first I was hammered with replies to it.  I did not understand how different searching online was and I was a sucker for a message that so echoed most everything I had put in my profile.  After just a couple messages I gave this Pot. by personal email that was connected to my internet service provider which was a mistake.  Using a web based email is better and it gave him my full name that was connected to my profile for my ISP along with my address.  A few emails later and we graduated to phone calls.   I had never seen a picture of him at this point and he told me he needed to do this to protect his identity and I just naively trusted he was telling me the truth.  He agreed to come to my town for the first meet which is so important in terms of safety and when he asked me where he should stay I referred him to a suites hotel that I was a personal friend of the manager.  She was one of three people who were my safety net and actually knew I was meeting him.  They did not all agree with my choice to go back into the sugar world but supported me in my decision as friends because it is my choice to make.
I had been talking to another SD as well and got caught up in sharing that I was meeting this Pot.. as the time came for me to go to meet him I broke a cardinal rule.. I agreed to meet him in his suite but felt it was okay because of my safety net.  That night was difficult for me, I did not know that he had people with him that were in the connecting suite next door or that he was not even who he claimed to be.  The end result is that I ended up having dinner in his suite and the bitter tasting diet coke I swallowed was actually laced with a roofie.  Yes you are reading correctly and I suffered dearly for these mistakes.. was raped and I say this because I could not move or fight them off.. and when it was over I had very little memory except bruises and guilt and shame. 

My safety net got suspicious and my manager friend had security go up and they opened the door to find me confused and dazed with not much memory of what happened.. they did the right things by contacting the police, getting me to the hospital.  Now that memory is a distant one but it took hard work to get over and for a while I had to struggle with my choices and who I was.  After the court proceedings were finished I moved on and made the decision to not let this affect me and today lead a very happy healthy life with no more flash backs.  Two of those three men were convicted and those convictions stood up under appeal and the third accepted a plea agreement that was later overturned due to sloppy police work. At first I was ashamed of why I was there and how I met the person .. then I learned that this could have happened in real life situations where you meet the guy in the bar and go to his place.  In the end I learned how important safety was as I am the lucky one.. oh yes because I at least had a safety net in place.. there were people who knew where I was, had an arranged time to contact them and when they did not hear from me and could not get a response from me they set into motion. 

So learn from my example.. do not meet in a private place!
Never go to his home or invite him to yours in the beginning.
Do not give out your address or information that can bring him to your house at first.
Make the first couple meetings about getting to know him better.
Always meet in a public place that is well lit and has people around.. such as a restaurant , lounge, museum etc.
Arrive early and park where your car is not noticeable to him.
Pay attention to his arrival and make a note of his car, how he is dressed how he carries himself.
Watch his body language as he talks to you.
Pay attention to signs that tells you if he is connected in the conversation, does he show that he is interested in what you say?
Does he ask questions that tells you he is wanting to learn more about you?
Avoid sex talk on the first meet.
Never go to his home or hotel on a first meet.

Second meet: If you are still comfortable with him and he is not evoking red flags that tell you he is phony take this opportunity to learn more about his previous arrangements.  If he is new to the sugar world ask him about his expectations for a sugar arrangement.  This is a good time to learn if each of your expectations are clear to each other and if you are on the same page.

There are various types of arrangements: gift arrangements, allowance based, travel only based, shopping based trip, and a combination.  When he brings up an amount he is committing to invest in this arrangement you need to clarify exactly what he means by that amount.  Much confusion at times takes place as there are some who think I spend X amount of dollars on dinner, X amount on hotel, X amount on transportation, I bring her a gift that cost X dollars.  So they add that up deduct it from what they are willing to invest and your allowance is the balance of what is left.  Not all SD's are like this but this does happen.

Some will come thinking they are talking allowance when in truth they are talking about Pay for Play (P4P). This style is where basically a connection often does not matter, they are not invested in you as a person and just want to play and pay for it.  Sometimes just meeting once or twice and moving on, often setting a 3 to 5 hundred dollar range on their expectations.  Some people will argue this is prostitution or even more a escort style of arrangement that is very temporary.  It is not for me to judge but I avoid these simply because it is not for me. 

It is up to us to clarify what we are looking for and speaking out and saying I am sorry but our expectation and needs just do not match but I wish you well in your search.  When confusion arises over an agreement it is often because both parties have not spelled it out and that does not constitute that either side is fake.  So what do you need to clarify when you have reached the point that both of you agree you want an arrangement?

Duration of arrangement.. you need to know if this is based on a month to month agreement or if you both agree to a trial basis of x amount of months.
Exactly how much assistance is he giving in terms of allowance dolllars, gift dollars, travel dollars, etc. 
How often you will meet.
Where you will meet.
How will you receive the financial assistance.
Please note: that the assistance should always come at beginning of arrangement or a determined portioned if you both agree that way.  This develops the start of trust and faith in an arrangement and you should by this time know his expectations as well.  If he expects sugar right away before you enter that arrangement you need to know this and know if this is comfortable for you.  Never assume you are on the same page, talk to him and make sure you are. 
In part 2 I will get more in-depth on the talk and ways to lead up to it.

Safety in the online sugar world.

I can not stress enough how important safety is for all parties concerned.
Sugar Babes:  It is essential to initially protect your private information as you embark on your search to find a sugar daddy.  Why?  Men are generally stronger than women and you can not assume that everything they have told you is correct, therefore, it is up to you to verify the information they have given you.  As you exchange messages never agree to meet anyone who has not given you a first and last name as well as a city and state.  Type that info into a search engine such as Google and learn what you can about them.  Does their information match?  If you have exchanged phone numbers do a reverse phone look-up on the phone number to see who it is registered too.  Has he sent you pictures?  Do an online search of pictures with that persons name and see if he shows up.. often many people have the same name but if you find a picture of him matching the name and you recognize him it is a pretty sure bet that is who will show up if you choose to meet.

Never meet someone for the first time in his hotel room.. always choose a public place that is well lit and populated.  Always let someone know where you are going to be and who you will be with.  You say this is impossible as no one knows what you are doing and would not approve if you told them?  You can still find a way to network many sugar dating sites such as my favorite Seeking Arrangement   will have a blog or forum where we can go to share stories and ask questions on their website.  Take the time to interact with others and check out some of the other babes blogs.. if someone is in your area take the time to email that sugar sister and let them know when you are going on a first meet.. most will be happy to be a contact just make sure you let them know you are safe after the meet is over.  This is so important because just like in real life scenarios there are always unscrupulous people lurking who are not what they claim to be, they may not have good intentions and we must protect ourselves.

Ask lots of questions before you agree to meet someone.. get to know that person and if you feel he or she is too good to be true you are probably right.  Never give out your banking information in the beginning, or your social security number and I speak from experience as in this technology age there are some who have no intention of actually putting money in your account but if they can find a way they will help themselves to what you have.  If someone ask you right from the start to send them nude pictures remember that these can float all around in cyber space and you do not know what they might do with the pictures after you have sent them.  If someone you have made contact with immediately wants to have phone sex understand that this is not going to mean that he is going to offer an arrangement. It only means he is going to get a rise over how trusting you are.. and in time the more bad, phony or poof daddies you run across, will take a toll on you emotionally.  If you want a real sugar arrangement that is based on trust and chemistry you must present yourself in a confidant matter and not play games.  Being safe is crucial in the sugar world and to be safe you need to avoid the most common mistakes often made by new sugars starting with how you represent yourself.

Sugar Daddies and Mommies:  You have the means to help someone and are seeking just that a babe or male to pamper and spoil and make life easier for but you also need to be careful.  There are many fakes on both sides of the spectrum and you should never wire money to a contact you have never met just because they give you a hard luck story.  Never assume that what they are telling you is accurate either.. take the time to know your potential.  If you are a man looking for a sugar babe be realistic with your expectation with her, be generous to let her know you are interested but be cautious at first and take time to build trust in your sugar.  You can show you are genuine by suggesting meeting in public places, not pressure her in the initial meeting stage to go to a hotel room with you for a few hours for a try out.  This is not being genuine and do not assume that all the women you meet would say no to that suggestion.  Example:  A man meets a potential sugar.. she agrees to a few stolen moments in a hotel room he checks in and takes her to his room.  They get undressed ..she fixes them each a drink and 15 minutes later the room is spinning and he is out cold.. when he wakes up he is embarrassed still horny as hell and his wallet , rings and watch is gone.  Yes this can happen to you too so take safety measures to know your Pot and be a gentleman.

Part of being safe is finding an effective way to screen potentials before meeting, this is not fool proof but careful screening can prevent many things from happening.  The next post will discuss screening and what type of questions to ask.