Disclaimer: All the usual applies and this is my personal opinion. I do not own or am a paid affiliate of any sugar dating website. I do not put up ads on my blogs as it is not about making money from you but simply giving you information that I wish someone had first given me when I started negotiating the online sugar dating world.
Before I tackle today's topic I want to state that I get paid my no one but I would highly suggest and endorse one website that I have found superior over all others. Seeking Arrangement and though there are some who will disagree with me we all have our preferences but I like this site and found some quality SD's there. I also recommend a book that the sites founder has written if you choose to pursue the sugar bowl which can help you greatly gain a greater understanding of the what and how too's in finding a sugar arrangement. Now that I sound like a commercial I must say that you will find a warm support blog there which offers and ask advice and you can learn so much as well as find what you might be looking for.
There are so many misconceptions of what an arrangement in the Sugar World constitutes, yet the reality is a sugar arrangement is an individual choice and exactly what you make it. When you choose a SD and negotiate the details of your arrangement it is going to be what you agree on, therefore, if you leave out certain things that are important to you it is not the SD's fault that you feel wronged if he is living up to the negotiated agreement. This is why it is so important for a newcomer to ask those important questions of themselves and know what they want before a meet.
I have touched on posers and fakes in another article but today I want to give some solid examples of red flags and profiles that I have learned to not give a second thought too. Again these are my opinions but I have learned from my mistakes as well as mistakes of others. The role of a sugar daddy has been consistent throughout the ages.. a man of means who seeks to pamper and take care of the needs of a woman. As you read profiles from what ever sugar dating site you are searching on you will run across many interesting profiles. Some will state looking for a fun time, looking for a good time, amount negotiable, talk about how great they are, what they have, list their net worth over 50 million and yet they are not a premium member of the site. I have often questioned this as I want the ability to see who has viewed me, and other little features you get with a premium membership. Because I am serious about my search I have chosen to take out the premium membership myself and if I can afford to skip a couple lattes for the month and do this I would think a real sugar daddy would have no problem coming up with the 20 bucks for this. Recently I was contacted by a few who are on the site for free and very sweetly inquired why they haven't upgraded to a premium membership. One stated he does not pay for anything he can get for free... another did not think fast enough and actually said he could not afford it right now. Wow.. if he can not afford that how can he afford to be a generous benefactor? This ladies is what I am talking about.. clues that are out there.. when they put themselves up on a pedestal but have no action to their words. Those answers told me volumes and I quickly moved on not wasting my time and energy is those who are deceptive. Some will come right out and state in their profiles as I saw one that listed he compensates from 40 dollars to a few hundred for test drives. I am not a car which is my simple response and again I move on. Anyone can call themselves a sugar daddy but that does not mean they are. Some are simply pretenders with no intentions of actually meeting, others are just trying to find an angle to have quick sex and recently I have even ran across those who are approaching the sugar bowl in a pay as you go style.. with no agreed on amount, time or how often you meet. The problem with this is there is no arrangement.. it is what ever they dictate and you can quickly find yourself burned in the process. This is not the same as Pay 4 Play but I assure you that a pay as you go where each time the amount you receive is less and less, along with the fact that there is no pampering of you involved only you catering to his needs is not in any form a sugar arrangement.. give guys like this the phone number to your local escort service!!! These are not Sugar Daddies so lets put those myths to bed once and for all.
Now lets look again on any site for more profiles, do you see statements like chemistry a must, looking for a connection on many levels, not looking for meaningless sex or drama? These type of profiles often will list what their budget is instead of open, they will have a well thought out list of their interest and what they are looking for. Some will even state what age range they are seeking, if they are looking locally or open to a young woman from another area. Well heeled gentleman usually have well written, thought out profiles and do not have the need to boast about what they have, they will often state they have less than they do and for the most part are thoughtful. If they have pictures posted also look for clues in the pictures, the background, how they are dressed etc. These men usually do not think twice about upgrading to a premium membership and are use to doing many things first class. These gentlemen are known as Sugar Daddies and they are looking for meaningful sugar relationships not meaningless! So what makes a sugar arrangement meaningful?
Appreciation! A sugar babe will show her appreciation for her SD by being well mannered in public and a bit naughty behind closed doors. She will demonstrate her interest in her SD by actively listening to him, showing him affection and building a mutually beneficial relationship with him based on trust, honesty, respect and caring. A meaningful sugar arrangement has a mutual vested interest in each other, and it is rewarded by mutual pampering. Often this means financial help, gifts, travel and mentoring or a combination of those elements. It is what ever the two of you agree to when you enter the arrangement. A real sugar daddy will be concerned about your welfare but few appreciate drama which is why I stress manners and always being careful how much you drink. Some sugar daddies will be very specific amount a certain amount of time they are willing to commit to the arrangement and if it is working out well often wants to continue it on but again it is what you negotiate so always be prepared to discuss openly and honestly what your needs are.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Lets Talk: What a real sugar daddy is and isn't!
Sugar Sisters,
This is a heart to heart about what a real SD is and just how many pretenders are out there. First of all everyone is new at one time when they first enter the sugar bowl and that includes the men. They often make as many mistakes as we do. It is so easy to use the word fake and label someone but that is not always the case either. A perfect example of this is a SD friend of mine who I have known for 7 years.. and yes friend and nothing more. With is permission I will share this story: Earlier this year he was corresponding with a Potential and she had posted glamor shots for her pictures. Nothing wrong with this but when he requested more photographs he got more glamor shots and he assumed that she always looked like that. They started talking on the phone and due to schedules he spent far more time getting to know her and actually bonded with her on the phone. When they did meet 3 months later he had difficulty as he did not recognize her at all. She had difficulty in person of expressing herself and thought that my meeting him for the first time that we would automatically enter an arrangement with her and give her money right then and there. I know what a generous person he is and he did give her an envelope as a thank you for meeting him .. 500 dollars for a couple hours of just talking in a public place. She was angry as she felt he should have given her thousands and drama unfolded through emails and phone calls until he changed his email and phone number.
She referred to him as fake and I will be the first to defend him as I know the person and know better. My point is that sugar dating is not our private bank account! When you meet a potential they do not owe you anything. I realize that in this economy many new SB's are turning to sugar dating simply as way to keep a roof over their head or food in their stomach but jumping or pushing someone into an arrangement will quickly get you labeled as fake. You do not want that label or to be reported as such, there is also an issue of safety and stalking. If someone rejects you it does not make him fake it just simply means that you do not fit what he is searching for and do not take it personally. Real Sugar Daddies know why they are in the sugar bowl, they know what they want and take the time to find it. They invest more than money into their SB, they invest time, understanding, and take the time to get to know them. They often offer advice to help the SB further herself even offering to mentor them at times. They know that if you are comfortable with them the arrangement will be beneficial for both of you so they go to great lengths to make you feel comfortable and seldom try to push you into doing anything you do not want to.
Now there are quite a few new SD's out there, they think they understand what the sugar bowl is about. In the past few months I have ran across a few but one of them I actually told I thought the sugar world was not for him.. yes.. I did that because honesty is important to me. He was a super nice guy but in reality he was looking for a girlfriend he could help and maybe at some point they would fall into a traditional relationship and get married. Hey there are true stories of gents doing that and to each their own. Sugar dating is traditionally about stolen passionate moments, being pampered and spoiled both ways. I talked to another newbie/wannabee that I could not get a read on as he was super quiet.. his messages were one short sentence yet he spoke volumes in those short sentences and I made a choice to call him. I was not disappointed as I found an intelligent well spoken gentleman on the other end of the phone. I even went to the lengths of inquiring about his budget for a sugar arrangement as he is so new to this I was not sure that he really got it. In doing so he answered me openly and honestly , and no matter what he has a much clearer understanding. All of us come to the sugar bowl with different ideals, different value systems and that does not mean our way of thinking is the right way. What I know is that we learn through mistakes and sometimes those are painful or we get wise and learn through others mistakes.
One of the mistakes we often make is calling or labeling someone as a fake simply due to what our own perceptions are of the sugar bowl or what we expect. Our expectations should be realistic, we should understand what drama is and leave the drama at home not bring it into the sugar bowl. Most sugar arrangements are temporary so you need to know that eventually they will end. This is why you need to save some of your money for tough moments instead of running out and blowing your wind fall if you have extra. You need to prepare for it ending as well and concentrate on the fact that he lived up to his agreement for that period of time. Not call him fake simply because it ends.. and real genuine SD's will often ended a sugar relationship when it gets filled with drama and demands. They want to feel appreciated and pampered as well, often they feel they are not appreciated in their own homes so when they come to you it should be all about them and showing them how much you really enjoy them for who they are not for the dollars in their pocket. I will posting a financial 101 page next week as I am still looking for help with that information. If anyone wants to help please let me know.
This is a heart to heart about what a real SD is and just how many pretenders are out there. First of all everyone is new at one time when they first enter the sugar bowl and that includes the men. They often make as many mistakes as we do. It is so easy to use the word fake and label someone but that is not always the case either. A perfect example of this is a SD friend of mine who I have known for 7 years.. and yes friend and nothing more. With is permission I will share this story: Earlier this year he was corresponding with a Potential and she had posted glamor shots for her pictures. Nothing wrong with this but when he requested more photographs he got more glamor shots and he assumed that she always looked like that. They started talking on the phone and due to schedules he spent far more time getting to know her and actually bonded with her on the phone. When they did meet 3 months later he had difficulty as he did not recognize her at all. She had difficulty in person of expressing herself and thought that my meeting him for the first time that we would automatically enter an arrangement with her and give her money right then and there. I know what a generous person he is and he did give her an envelope as a thank you for meeting him .. 500 dollars for a couple hours of just talking in a public place. She was angry as she felt he should have given her thousands and drama unfolded through emails and phone calls until he changed his email and phone number.
She referred to him as fake and I will be the first to defend him as I know the person and know better. My point is that sugar dating is not our private bank account! When you meet a potential they do not owe you anything. I realize that in this economy many new SB's are turning to sugar dating simply as way to keep a roof over their head or food in their stomach but jumping or pushing someone into an arrangement will quickly get you labeled as fake. You do not want that label or to be reported as such, there is also an issue of safety and stalking. If someone rejects you it does not make him fake it just simply means that you do not fit what he is searching for and do not take it personally. Real Sugar Daddies know why they are in the sugar bowl, they know what they want and take the time to find it. They invest more than money into their SB, they invest time, understanding, and take the time to get to know them. They often offer advice to help the SB further herself even offering to mentor them at times. They know that if you are comfortable with them the arrangement will be beneficial for both of you so they go to great lengths to make you feel comfortable and seldom try to push you into doing anything you do not want to.
Now there are quite a few new SD's out there, they think they understand what the sugar bowl is about. In the past few months I have ran across a few but one of them I actually told I thought the sugar world was not for him.. yes.. I did that because honesty is important to me. He was a super nice guy but in reality he was looking for a girlfriend he could help and maybe at some point they would fall into a traditional relationship and get married. Hey there are true stories of gents doing that and to each their own. Sugar dating is traditionally about stolen passionate moments, being pampered and spoiled both ways. I talked to another newbie/wannabee that I could not get a read on as he was super quiet.. his messages were one short sentence yet he spoke volumes in those short sentences and I made a choice to call him. I was not disappointed as I found an intelligent well spoken gentleman on the other end of the phone. I even went to the lengths of inquiring about his budget for a sugar arrangement as he is so new to this I was not sure that he really got it. In doing so he answered me openly and honestly , and no matter what he has a much clearer understanding. All of us come to the sugar bowl with different ideals, different value systems and that does not mean our way of thinking is the right way. What I know is that we learn through mistakes and sometimes those are painful or we get wise and learn through others mistakes.
One of the mistakes we often make is calling or labeling someone as a fake simply due to what our own perceptions are of the sugar bowl or what we expect. Our expectations should be realistic, we should understand what drama is and leave the drama at home not bring it into the sugar bowl. Most sugar arrangements are temporary so you need to know that eventually they will end. This is why you need to save some of your money for tough moments instead of running out and blowing your wind fall if you have extra. You need to prepare for it ending as well and concentrate on the fact that he lived up to his agreement for that period of time. Not call him fake simply because it ends.. and real genuine SD's will often ended a sugar relationship when it gets filled with drama and demands. They want to feel appreciated and pampered as well, often they feel they are not appreciated in their own homes so when they come to you it should be all about them and showing them how much you really enjoy them for who they are not for the dollars in their pocket. I will posting a financial 101 page next week as I am still looking for help with that information. If anyone wants to help please let me know.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Links and Information Every SB should have!
This page is to supply you with information that will help you to practice safety in the sugar bowl.
Know something about the person before you meet them. This website teaches you how to use the internet to find information on someone for free. www.people-hunter.com
This site has links for many types of searches, including public record websites that you can access for free, or if you want to save yourself the leg work you can pay for their premium service. www.omnitrace.com/find-anyone-anywhere-free/
Free people searches for address, etc. at: www.lookup-anyone.com
This site provides free people searches and a Public Information Search Engine.. you can search by name or phone number and I highly suggest you do both.: www.zabasearch.com/
Use your search engines like Google, yahoo and others if the information they have provided you does not check out you need to proceed with great caution .
When you find yourself in a situation where you have been scammed or meet a fake SD there is a website you can share that information with to help other SB's avoid this. If you chose to report someone be very specific to let others know what the problem was with this person.
Report a fake sugar daddy: http://fakesugardaddys.blogspot.com/2009/04/report-fake.html
You can also look at the information on those who have been reported as fake to see if the person you are meeting has possibly scammed someone else.
Sugar Babe Clothing on a Budget: Starting out it is hard to dress for an expensive dinner.. there are quite a few online vintage shops and thrift shops that cater to high end designer clothes and yes some can be gotten on the cheap.. my favorite often has a 10 buck section yes you read right.
Know something about the person before you meet them. This website teaches you how to use the internet to find information on someone for free. www.people-hunter.com
This site has links for many types of searches, including public record websites that you can access for free, or if you want to save yourself the leg work you can pay for their premium service. www.omnitrace.com/find-anyone-anywhere-free/
Free people searches for address, etc. at: www.lookup-anyone.com
This site provides free people searches and a Public Information Search Engine.. you can search by name or phone number and I highly suggest you do both.: www.zabasearch.com/
Use your search engines like Google, yahoo and others if the information they have provided you does not check out you need to proceed with great caution .
When you find yourself in a situation where you have been scammed or meet a fake SD there is a website you can share that information with to help other SB's avoid this. If you chose to report someone be very specific to let others know what the problem was with this person.
Report a fake sugar daddy: http://fakesugardaddys.blogspot.com/2009/04/report-fake.html
You can also look at the information on those who have been reported as fake to see if the person you are meeting has possibly scammed someone else.
Sugar Babe Clothing on a Budget: Starting out it is hard to dress for an expensive dinner.. there are quite a few online vintage shops and thrift shops that cater to high end designer clothes and yes some can be gotten on the cheap.. my favorite often has a 10 buck section yes you read right.
http://www.christabellescloset.com/ This is my favorite. I am also posting a link to a list of other online high end designer thrift stores I frequent and often I have purchased new items not used from these places on the cheap.
for more links : more high end designer thrift store links. This link will take you to an article I wrote a couple months ago that list all my favorites.
ReCap: Do your homework.. be proactive in knowing that the person is who he claims to be before meeting him. Practice safety.. do not put yourself in danger.. and have fun above all else.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Know why you are in the sugar world!
A potential SD ask you why are you in the sugar world.. what would your answer be?
Money, gifts, travel??? or do you have goals that you want to accomplish. We ask questions of a potential but if they are clearly interested in us they will also ask questions.. entering the sugar world and determining if it is right for you.. it is important to ask your self some questions and know the answers for your self before you get put on the spot.
If you simply answer money it sends a message to the Pot that this is all you care about. When a SD has so much more to offer than just money.. they are in their position to be generous as they are successful and we can learn from that success. Many SD's can be mentors, offer their wisdom and experience in many different arenas. Some will assist with education cost, basic living cost and so much more yet many want to know that the money they are investing in you is going to make your life better to some degree. Why would they want to do this for you? They develop an emotion bond or connection on some level to you and they can only do this by getting to know you so they ask questions as well. Here is a list of questions I have been asked in the past which I can tell you when you ask yourself these questions and know the answer it makes it much easier when they ask you.
Questions:
How do you know you really want to be a sugar babe?
Do you understand what is involved in the sugar world?
Why do you want to be a sugar baby?
What do you think you have to offer in an arrangement that sets you apart from other babes?
How do you envision a sugar arrangement to work?
How do you plan to use your monthly allowance?
Are there things sexually you are not comfortable doing?
Would you be willing to sign a non disclosure form?
You stated in your profile you are a social drinker, what do you consider a social drinker?
During the talk when we are working out the arrangement I have been asked questions like:
Do you enjoy anal sex?
So you shave or wax your puss?
Will you have an objection to spending the night on our meets?
Do you have a passport?
Can I see your identification before we finalize the agreement?
These are all very valid questions when you have came to an agreement or are working out the details. And if you are offended by these questions understand what you are entering a mutually beneficial arrangement and many SD's have preferences some like shaven, some like certain types of sex, some just meet for a few hours at a time others like overnights. Many will take you to exotic places and yes you need a passport. Some want to know that you have not lied to them and make sure that they at least know your name and birth date are true. This is why you should be yourself and answer questions honestly and never agree to do anything you are not comfortable with. I had one SD potential who it got to finalizing an agreement with and he said he never uses condoms so would I have a problem with this. My answer was simply yes.. you must get checked for disease and std's before you could ever touch me without a condom.. he was offended and we went our separate ways. Safety in all forms is important to me.. and we should all get tested from time to time to be safe.
There are more questions they could ask so you need to know why you are in the sugar world, what your limitations are in time constraints, what you are willing to do or not do, and know if you feel you can trust the person before entering an arrangement.
Money, gifts, travel??? or do you have goals that you want to accomplish. We ask questions of a potential but if they are clearly interested in us they will also ask questions.. entering the sugar world and determining if it is right for you.. it is important to ask your self some questions and know the answers for your self before you get put on the spot.
If you simply answer money it sends a message to the Pot that this is all you care about. When a SD has so much more to offer than just money.. they are in their position to be generous as they are successful and we can learn from that success. Many SD's can be mentors, offer their wisdom and experience in many different arenas. Some will assist with education cost, basic living cost and so much more yet many want to know that the money they are investing in you is going to make your life better to some degree. Why would they want to do this for you? They develop an emotion bond or connection on some level to you and they can only do this by getting to know you so they ask questions as well. Here is a list of questions I have been asked in the past which I can tell you when you ask yourself these questions and know the answer it makes it much easier when they ask you.
Questions:
How do you know you really want to be a sugar babe?
Do you understand what is involved in the sugar world?
Why do you want to be a sugar baby?
What do you think you have to offer in an arrangement that sets you apart from other babes?
How do you envision a sugar arrangement to work?
How do you plan to use your monthly allowance?
Are there things sexually you are not comfortable doing?
Would you be willing to sign a non disclosure form?
You stated in your profile you are a social drinker, what do you consider a social drinker?
During the talk when we are working out the arrangement I have been asked questions like:
Do you enjoy anal sex?
So you shave or wax your puss?
Will you have an objection to spending the night on our meets?
Do you have a passport?
Can I see your identification before we finalize the agreement?
These are all very valid questions when you have came to an agreement or are working out the details. And if you are offended by these questions understand what you are entering a mutually beneficial arrangement and many SD's have preferences some like shaven, some like certain types of sex, some just meet for a few hours at a time others like overnights. Many will take you to exotic places and yes you need a passport. Some want to know that you have not lied to them and make sure that they at least know your name and birth date are true. This is why you should be yourself and answer questions honestly and never agree to do anything you are not comfortable with. I had one SD potential who it got to finalizing an agreement with and he said he never uses condoms so would I have a problem with this. My answer was simply yes.. you must get checked for disease and std's before you could ever touch me without a condom.. he was offended and we went our separate ways. Safety in all forms is important to me.. and we should all get tested from time to time to be safe.
There are more questions they could ask so you need to know why you are in the sugar world, what your limitations are in time constraints, what you are willing to do or not do, and know if you feel you can trust the person before entering an arrangement.
Friday, November 12, 2010
The Talk and when to have it.
So you have gotten the first meeting out of the way and are planning to meet a potential sugar again. He wants to talk more about an arrangement.. there is not right or wrong time for the talk but never have sex on the first couple meets especially without an arrangement. Do you really know that his expectations meet your own? I have compiled a list that most seasoned SB's and SD's will tell you are essential to ask during the initial meets but this does not mean that these are the only questions that should be asked. You should clarify anything that you think is relevant to you.
Questions to ask your SD..lets recap
How do you percieve Sugar dating differs for you compared to traditional dating?
Have you had a sugar arrangement before and if yes..do you find these experiences to be what you expected?
If they are a newbie ask why do you want to be an SB or SD?
What are you hoping to get out of an arrangement?
How do you envision this arrangement working out? What do you want, expectations and what are you specifically expecting in return. ( If he opens up fully about his expectations you can also ask how quickly he expects intimacy.)
Now you are at a second or third meeting and no closer to an arrangement but if you have asked some critical questions you now know what this Potential is looking for. I have found that if a potential is truely interested in me at this point he has made it clear and often has supplied me with a little envelope with a monetary gift just to show he appreciates the time I am taking to not only meet with him but also for the effort and time it took me to get ready for the meet. This clearly establishes a sign of good faith. However, if you leave this topic alone because you are uncomfortable with the talk or not know how to approach it, remember this is not normal life dating scenarios which you just leave open ended. You are here looking for a Sugar arrangement and each arrangement is different designed to be mutually beneficial for both parties. Each person has their own expectations, wants, needs and desires.. they each have a certain type of person they desire and it involves various body types, skin color, nationalities, levels of experience, education, intelligence, person trait requirements like non smoker or non drinker for example and each of these are relevant to the individual.
Some SD's for example prefer not to bring up the arrangement initially as they are looking at more than just the pretty face and hot bod, they often take their time to gain a viable impression of a Potential but seldom take offense after a few meets if the SB ask them what they are thinking or ask if they feel a certain type of chemistry. If you have been paying attention to what they say you should know at this point if this is a good fit for you and as you move into the talk you need to be completely honest about your expectations and how comfortable you are with certain aspects of sugar dating. Be clear and concise with what your intentions are, know exactly what he wants, time frame to start intimacy and how often he wants to see you.
Ask your self how interested you are in this Potential and if you can see yourself in bed with this person and look forward to it and not feel disgust. If you can not envision this then you should move on.. a bad arrangement never last and if money is the only reason you are going to meet him then eventually it is going to show anyways and when these arrangements sour this is where drama often comes in.. and it is best avoided by being honest. If you are enjoying his companionship take the time to let him know, ask questions that let him know you are interested in him. Many SD's have so much experience in life and financial situations that they are wonderful mentors and it is the perfect opportunity for you to learn from them.
Finally before you accept an arrangement make sure the terms are spelled out . Be clear about traveling and who is responsible for the cost.. when you will receive and how you will receive an allowance. Be clear about sexual time frames and what you are or aren't comfortable with. If some of your time together requires a certain type of wardrobe that you do not have make it clear who is responsible for those cost if it is something he is demanding. Define shopping trips or gifts.. in range of how often or what if it is strictly a gift daddy. Be cautious before you give out banking information to a pot.. I always practice safety now with financial matters and use a prepaid re loadable card with a 10 Grand limit that I can use as a cc or debit card. It can be reloaded from practically any where and initially I find it safer for me.
There are plenty of fakes in all aspects of the sugar world and it is up to us to avoid many of these pitfalls by practicing safety, careful screening and finding our voice to talk to the pot.
Questions to ask your SD..lets recap
How do you percieve Sugar dating differs for you compared to traditional dating?
Have you had a sugar arrangement before and if yes..do you find these experiences to be what you expected?
If they are a newbie ask why do you want to be an SB or SD?
What are you hoping to get out of an arrangement?
How do you envision this arrangement working out? What do you want, expectations and what are you specifically expecting in return. ( If he opens up fully about his expectations you can also ask how quickly he expects intimacy.)
Now you are at a second or third meeting and no closer to an arrangement but if you have asked some critical questions you now know what this Potential is looking for. I have found that if a potential is truely interested in me at this point he has made it clear and often has supplied me with a little envelope with a monetary gift just to show he appreciates the time I am taking to not only meet with him but also for the effort and time it took me to get ready for the meet. This clearly establishes a sign of good faith. However, if you leave this topic alone because you are uncomfortable with the talk or not know how to approach it, remember this is not normal life dating scenarios which you just leave open ended. You are here looking for a Sugar arrangement and each arrangement is different designed to be mutually beneficial for both parties. Each person has their own expectations, wants, needs and desires.. they each have a certain type of person they desire and it involves various body types, skin color, nationalities, levels of experience, education, intelligence, person trait requirements like non smoker or non drinker for example and each of these are relevant to the individual.
Some SD's for example prefer not to bring up the arrangement initially as they are looking at more than just the pretty face and hot bod, they often take their time to gain a viable impression of a Potential but seldom take offense after a few meets if the SB ask them what they are thinking or ask if they feel a certain type of chemistry. If you have been paying attention to what they say you should know at this point if this is a good fit for you and as you move into the talk you need to be completely honest about your expectations and how comfortable you are with certain aspects of sugar dating. Be clear and concise with what your intentions are, know exactly what he wants, time frame to start intimacy and how often he wants to see you.
Ask your self how interested you are in this Potential and if you can see yourself in bed with this person and look forward to it and not feel disgust. If you can not envision this then you should move on.. a bad arrangement never last and if money is the only reason you are going to meet him then eventually it is going to show anyways and when these arrangements sour this is where drama often comes in.. and it is best avoided by being honest. If you are enjoying his companionship take the time to let him know, ask questions that let him know you are interested in him. Many SD's have so much experience in life and financial situations that they are wonderful mentors and it is the perfect opportunity for you to learn from them.
Finally before you accept an arrangement make sure the terms are spelled out . Be clear about traveling and who is responsible for the cost.. when you will receive and how you will receive an allowance. Be clear about sexual time frames and what you are or aren't comfortable with. If some of your time together requires a certain type of wardrobe that you do not have make it clear who is responsible for those cost if it is something he is demanding. Define shopping trips or gifts.. in range of how often or what if it is strictly a gift daddy. Be cautious before you give out banking information to a pot.. I always practice safety now with financial matters and use a prepaid re loadable card with a 10 Grand limit that I can use as a cc or debit card. It can be reloaded from practically any where and initially I find it safer for me.
There are plenty of fakes in all aspects of the sugar world and it is up to us to avoid many of these pitfalls by practicing safety, careful screening and finding our voice to talk to the pot.
First Few Meetings 411
Sugars beware! I have told you how important screening and safety is but I would like to share a real life scenario with you to help you understand that when you go to a meet for the first time the work you did on screening and safety can come into play.
Dislaimer: The names have been changed to protect those involved except mine. I am the victim in this and have police reports and court documents to back up everything I say and will be happy to share if you contact me through email link under certain conditions.
My first journey into the online world of sugar dating brought me to three websites which I placed my profile and at first I was hammered with replies to it. I did not understand how different searching online was and I was a sucker for a message that so echoed most everything I had put in my profile. After just a couple messages I gave this Pot. by personal email that was connected to my internet service provider which was a mistake. Using a web based email is better and it gave him my full name that was connected to my profile for my ISP along with my address. A few emails later and we graduated to phone calls. I had never seen a picture of him at this point and he told me he needed to do this to protect his identity and I just naively trusted he was telling me the truth. He agreed to come to my town for the first meet which is so important in terms of safety and when he asked me where he should stay I referred him to a suites hotel that I was a personal friend of the manager. She was one of three people who were my safety net and actually knew I was meeting him. They did not all agree with my choice to go back into the sugar world but supported me in my decision as friends because it is my choice to make.
I had been talking to another SD as well and got caught up in sharing that I was meeting this Pot.. as the time came for me to go to meet him I broke a cardinal rule.. I agreed to meet him in his suite but felt it was okay because of my safety net. That night was difficult for me, I did not know that he had people with him that were in the connecting suite next door or that he was not even who he claimed to be. The end result is that I ended up having dinner in his suite and the bitter tasting diet coke I swallowed was actually laced with a roofie. Yes you are reading correctly and I suffered dearly for these mistakes.. was raped and I say this because I could not move or fight them off.. and when it was over I had very little memory except bruises and guilt and shame.
My safety net got suspicious and my manager friend had security go up and they opened the door to find me confused and dazed with not much memory of what happened.. they did the right things by contacting the police, getting me to the hospital. Now that memory is a distant one but it took hard work to get over and for a while I had to struggle with my choices and who I was. After the court proceedings were finished I moved on and made the decision to not let this affect me and today lead a very happy healthy life with no more flash backs. Two of those three men were convicted and those convictions stood up under appeal and the third accepted a plea agreement that was later overturned due to sloppy police work. At first I was ashamed of why I was there and how I met the person .. then I learned that this could have happened in real life situations where you meet the guy in the bar and go to his place. In the end I learned how important safety was as I am the lucky one.. oh yes because I at least had a safety net in place.. there were people who knew where I was, had an arranged time to contact them and when they did not hear from me and could not get a response from me they set into motion.
So learn from my example.. do not meet in a private place!
Never go to his home or invite him to yours in the beginning.
Do not give out your address or information that can bring him to your house at first.
Make the first couple meetings about getting to know him better.
Always meet in a public place that is well lit and has people around.. such as a restaurant , lounge, museum etc.
Arrive early and park where your car is not noticeable to him.
Pay attention to his arrival and make a note of his car, how he is dressed how he carries himself.
Watch his body language as he talks to you.
Pay attention to signs that tells you if he is connected in the conversation, does he show that he is interested in what you say?
Does he ask questions that tells you he is wanting to learn more about you?
Avoid sex talk on the first meet.
Never go to his home or hotel on a first meet.
Second meet: If you are still comfortable with him and he is not evoking red flags that tell you he is phony take this opportunity to learn more about his previous arrangements. If he is new to the sugar world ask him about his expectations for a sugar arrangement. This is a good time to learn if each of your expectations are clear to each other and if you are on the same page.
There are various types of arrangements: gift arrangements, allowance based, travel only based, shopping based trip, and a combination. When he brings up an amount he is committing to invest in this arrangement you need to clarify exactly what he means by that amount. Much confusion at times takes place as there are some who think I spend X amount of dollars on dinner, X amount on hotel, X amount on transportation, I bring her a gift that cost X dollars. So they add that up deduct it from what they are willing to invest and your allowance is the balance of what is left. Not all SD's are like this but this does happen.
Some will come thinking they are talking allowance when in truth they are talking about Pay for Play (P4P). This style is where basically a connection often does not matter, they are not invested in you as a person and just want to play and pay for it. Sometimes just meeting once or twice and moving on, often setting a 3 to 5 hundred dollar range on their expectations. Some people will argue this is prostitution or even more a escort style of arrangement that is very temporary. It is not for me to judge but I avoid these simply because it is not for me.
It is up to us to clarify what we are looking for and speaking out and saying I am sorry but our expectation and needs just do not match but I wish you well in your search. When confusion arises over an agreement it is often because both parties have not spelled it out and that does not constitute that either side is fake. So what do you need to clarify when you have reached the point that both of you agree you want an arrangement?
Duration of arrangement.. you need to know if this is based on a month to month agreement or if you both agree to a trial basis of x amount of months.
Exactly how much assistance is he giving in terms of allowance dolllars, gift dollars, travel dollars, etc.
How often you will meet.
Where you will meet.
How will you receive the financial assistance.
Please note: that the assistance should always come at beginning of arrangement or a determined portioned if you both agree that way. This develops the start of trust and faith in an arrangement and you should by this time know his expectations as well. If he expects sugar right away before you enter that arrangement you need to know this and know if this is comfortable for you. Never assume you are on the same page, talk to him and make sure you are.
In part 2 I will get more in-depth on the talk and ways to lead up to it.
Dislaimer: The names have been changed to protect those involved except mine. I am the victim in this and have police reports and court documents to back up everything I say and will be happy to share if you contact me through email link under certain conditions.
My first journey into the online world of sugar dating brought me to three websites which I placed my profile and at first I was hammered with replies to it. I did not understand how different searching online was and I was a sucker for a message that so echoed most everything I had put in my profile. After just a couple messages I gave this Pot. by personal email that was connected to my internet service provider which was a mistake. Using a web based email is better and it gave him my full name that was connected to my profile for my ISP along with my address. A few emails later and we graduated to phone calls. I had never seen a picture of him at this point and he told me he needed to do this to protect his identity and I just naively trusted he was telling me the truth. He agreed to come to my town for the first meet which is so important in terms of safety and when he asked me where he should stay I referred him to a suites hotel that I was a personal friend of the manager. She was one of three people who were my safety net and actually knew I was meeting him. They did not all agree with my choice to go back into the sugar world but supported me in my decision as friends because it is my choice to make.
I had been talking to another SD as well and got caught up in sharing that I was meeting this Pot.. as the time came for me to go to meet him I broke a cardinal rule.. I agreed to meet him in his suite but felt it was okay because of my safety net. That night was difficult for me, I did not know that he had people with him that were in the connecting suite next door or that he was not even who he claimed to be. The end result is that I ended up having dinner in his suite and the bitter tasting diet coke I swallowed was actually laced with a roofie. Yes you are reading correctly and I suffered dearly for these mistakes.. was raped and I say this because I could not move or fight them off.. and when it was over I had very little memory except bruises and guilt and shame.
My safety net got suspicious and my manager friend had security go up and they opened the door to find me confused and dazed with not much memory of what happened.. they did the right things by contacting the police, getting me to the hospital. Now that memory is a distant one but it took hard work to get over and for a while I had to struggle with my choices and who I was. After the court proceedings were finished I moved on and made the decision to not let this affect me and today lead a very happy healthy life with no more flash backs. Two of those three men were convicted and those convictions stood up under appeal and the third accepted a plea agreement that was later overturned due to sloppy police work. At first I was ashamed of why I was there and how I met the person .. then I learned that this could have happened in real life situations where you meet the guy in the bar and go to his place. In the end I learned how important safety was as I am the lucky one.. oh yes because I at least had a safety net in place.. there were people who knew where I was, had an arranged time to contact them and when they did not hear from me and could not get a response from me they set into motion.
So learn from my example.. do not meet in a private place!
Never go to his home or invite him to yours in the beginning.
Do not give out your address or information that can bring him to your house at first.
Make the first couple meetings about getting to know him better.
Always meet in a public place that is well lit and has people around.. such as a restaurant , lounge, museum etc.
Arrive early and park where your car is not noticeable to him.
Pay attention to his arrival and make a note of his car, how he is dressed how he carries himself.
Watch his body language as he talks to you.
Pay attention to signs that tells you if he is connected in the conversation, does he show that he is interested in what you say?
Does he ask questions that tells you he is wanting to learn more about you?
Avoid sex talk on the first meet.
Never go to his home or hotel on a first meet.
Second meet: If you are still comfortable with him and he is not evoking red flags that tell you he is phony take this opportunity to learn more about his previous arrangements. If he is new to the sugar world ask him about his expectations for a sugar arrangement. This is a good time to learn if each of your expectations are clear to each other and if you are on the same page.
There are various types of arrangements: gift arrangements, allowance based, travel only based, shopping based trip, and a combination. When he brings up an amount he is committing to invest in this arrangement you need to clarify exactly what he means by that amount. Much confusion at times takes place as there are some who think I spend X amount of dollars on dinner, X amount on hotel, X amount on transportation, I bring her a gift that cost X dollars. So they add that up deduct it from what they are willing to invest and your allowance is the balance of what is left. Not all SD's are like this but this does happen.
Some will come thinking they are talking allowance when in truth they are talking about Pay for Play (P4P). This style is where basically a connection often does not matter, they are not invested in you as a person and just want to play and pay for it. Sometimes just meeting once or twice and moving on, often setting a 3 to 5 hundred dollar range on their expectations. Some people will argue this is prostitution or even more a escort style of arrangement that is very temporary. It is not for me to judge but I avoid these simply because it is not for me.
It is up to us to clarify what we are looking for and speaking out and saying I am sorry but our expectation and needs just do not match but I wish you well in your search. When confusion arises over an agreement it is often because both parties have not spelled it out and that does not constitute that either side is fake. So what do you need to clarify when you have reached the point that both of you agree you want an arrangement?
Duration of arrangement.. you need to know if this is based on a month to month agreement or if you both agree to a trial basis of x amount of months.
Exactly how much assistance is he giving in terms of allowance dolllars, gift dollars, travel dollars, etc.
How often you will meet.
Where you will meet.
How will you receive the financial assistance.
Please note: that the assistance should always come at beginning of arrangement or a determined portioned if you both agree that way. This develops the start of trust and faith in an arrangement and you should by this time know his expectations as well. If he expects sugar right away before you enter that arrangement you need to know this and know if this is comfortable for you. Never assume you are on the same page, talk to him and make sure you are.
In part 2 I will get more in-depth on the talk and ways to lead up to it.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The Importance of Screening a Potential Sugar
Screening is one of the most important steps in journey in the Sugar Bowl. How important is it? You can save yourself a lot of time by learning how to screen out the fakes and also avoid much stress and aggravation in your search by learning what type of questions to ask.
First of all we are adults and if you are pursuing the sugar world then you should have a general knowledge of what it involves. Usually it involves many different elements and one of those is sexual relations. If you are just starting to get your feet wet in the sugar world you need to ask your self some questions before you continue. How much do I want this? Do I have a thick enough skin to handle rejection? Do I have sexual hangups? What age range of a potential sugar do I want to pursue: note this is extremely important.. are you comfortable with men who are twice your age? What do you want.. what are your expectations for a sugar relationship? Once you have answered these questions.. ask your self what type of questions you feel are important to know about someone that you could possibly enter an arrangement with and share intimate moments with?
So here you are receiving messages from your profile that you have on a sugar daddy dating site. The first rule of communication is well thought out replies. Just as you will be watching what they write.. the flip side to this is that many quality Sugar Daddies also look for clues. It is more than just proper grammar and spelling! They watch for a measure of intelligence and signs that you both have common interest. As you reply ask questions that show an interest in what they have to say. If they state they are an experience SD ask them if their past arrangements were good ones.. draw them out to learn more regarding what type of SD they are. If they are not from your area ask them to make the first meeting in your town or close by.. if they are genuine they seldom will ask for you to come to them on the first meet. If they tell you a story about they will reimburse you for flight and hotel arrangements once you arrive be aware this could be a wasted trip and the chances are you are being played and should say Next!
Except in casual conversation arrangement talk should not even be brought up until you have the opportunity to meet and see if you even click. Use the initial messages back and forth as a way to discover if you have common ground. Learn about interest, likes and dislikes.. if the Potential pushes to talk about sex after just a couple messages or request private photos that are in the nude or semi nude again the same rule applies about what that person will do with the pictures once they have them. You need to think if this is the person you want an intimate arrangement with? Look at the screening process as if you are screening someone for a potential job .. the position of being your sugar daddy. What are the requirements for that job title? Dependable? Honest? Trustworthy? Great Bod or looks do not matter? Young or Old? Slim, Athletic, Few extra pounds or grossly overweight? Foul mouthed or a gentleman? Has manners or it does not matter? This is all relevant in the screening process if you want a successful arrangement and although their are some who will say it doesn't matter it actually does if you want to beat the 3 month curse. The 3 month curse is a saying as so many new arrangements fall apart by the third month for many reasons.
By the time I exchange phone numbers I feel somewhat comfortable that this person has some qualities that makes me want to know more. I use the phone calls to gauge how they will react to some questions. I ask about more personal things like what they envision a good sugar relationship to be, how often they would want to meet and get a general feeling if they are seeking to pay an allowance or are seeking a P4P style or even just a gift or shopping daddy style of relationship. If the opportunity comes up I will even before the first meet jokingly ask about their kinks and again this is all relevant. And once we have arranged for a first meet I make sure that I am punctual and looking my best which is appropriate for where we are meeting. I will not agree to a in private meet on the first meeting or to a all day situation.. Spell out where, how long for the first meet. Keep it simple and be yourself but even if this person is not for you it is no reason to be ugly. In the sugar bowl we all talk and you can get labeled yourself as a phony or wannabee so it is important to always practice good manners.
Always ask questions that are relevant to you and what will help you to know if this arrangement could possibly work out but avoid the mistake of simply accepting anything because you feel desperate or using pictures to turn a fast buck or rip off an SD as that makes it tough for the whole sugar bowl. I stress once again that you need to practice safety before meeting a potential and let someone know where you are going and when you should be expected back. After your first meet you need to question if you felt any chemistry.. if you found the Pot enlightening, honest, or if you felt a few negative vibes. Sugars pay very close attention to your gut feeling and those little red flags and remember if it sounds too good to be true it usually is.
In the next entry I will focus on the first few meets and talking about sexual and financial expectations. So many SB's make big mistakes of not discussing how the money or gifts will be received or when and this should all be arranged in advance.
First of all we are adults and if you are pursuing the sugar world then you should have a general knowledge of what it involves. Usually it involves many different elements and one of those is sexual relations. If you are just starting to get your feet wet in the sugar world you need to ask your self some questions before you continue. How much do I want this? Do I have a thick enough skin to handle rejection? Do I have sexual hangups? What age range of a potential sugar do I want to pursue: note this is extremely important.. are you comfortable with men who are twice your age? What do you want.. what are your expectations for a sugar relationship? Once you have answered these questions.. ask your self what type of questions you feel are important to know about someone that you could possibly enter an arrangement with and share intimate moments with?
So here you are receiving messages from your profile that you have on a sugar daddy dating site. The first rule of communication is well thought out replies. Just as you will be watching what they write.. the flip side to this is that many quality Sugar Daddies also look for clues. It is more than just proper grammar and spelling! They watch for a measure of intelligence and signs that you both have common interest. As you reply ask questions that show an interest in what they have to say. If they state they are an experience SD ask them if their past arrangements were good ones.. draw them out to learn more regarding what type of SD they are. If they are not from your area ask them to make the first meeting in your town or close by.. if they are genuine they seldom will ask for you to come to them on the first meet. If they tell you a story about they will reimburse you for flight and hotel arrangements once you arrive be aware this could be a wasted trip and the chances are you are being played and should say Next!
Except in casual conversation arrangement talk should not even be brought up until you have the opportunity to meet and see if you even click. Use the initial messages back and forth as a way to discover if you have common ground. Learn about interest, likes and dislikes.. if the Potential pushes to talk about sex after just a couple messages or request private photos that are in the nude or semi nude again the same rule applies about what that person will do with the pictures once they have them. You need to think if this is the person you want an intimate arrangement with? Look at the screening process as if you are screening someone for a potential job .. the position of being your sugar daddy. What are the requirements for that job title? Dependable? Honest? Trustworthy? Great Bod or looks do not matter? Young or Old? Slim, Athletic, Few extra pounds or grossly overweight? Foul mouthed or a gentleman? Has manners or it does not matter? This is all relevant in the screening process if you want a successful arrangement and although their are some who will say it doesn't matter it actually does if you want to beat the 3 month curse. The 3 month curse is a saying as so many new arrangements fall apart by the third month for many reasons.
By the time I exchange phone numbers I feel somewhat comfortable that this person has some qualities that makes me want to know more. I use the phone calls to gauge how they will react to some questions. I ask about more personal things like what they envision a good sugar relationship to be, how often they would want to meet and get a general feeling if they are seeking to pay an allowance or are seeking a P4P style or even just a gift or shopping daddy style of relationship. If the opportunity comes up I will even before the first meet jokingly ask about their kinks and again this is all relevant. And once we have arranged for a first meet I make sure that I am punctual and looking my best which is appropriate for where we are meeting. I will not agree to a in private meet on the first meeting or to a all day situation.. Spell out where, how long for the first meet. Keep it simple and be yourself but even if this person is not for you it is no reason to be ugly. In the sugar bowl we all talk and you can get labeled yourself as a phony or wannabee so it is important to always practice good manners.
Always ask questions that are relevant to you and what will help you to know if this arrangement could possibly work out but avoid the mistake of simply accepting anything because you feel desperate or using pictures to turn a fast buck or rip off an SD as that makes it tough for the whole sugar bowl. I stress once again that you need to practice safety before meeting a potential and let someone know where you are going and when you should be expected back. After your first meet you need to question if you felt any chemistry.. if you found the Pot enlightening, honest, or if you felt a few negative vibes. Sugars pay very close attention to your gut feeling and those little red flags and remember if it sounds too good to be true it usually is.
In the next entry I will focus on the first few meets and talking about sexual and financial expectations. So many SB's make big mistakes of not discussing how the money or gifts will be received or when and this should all be arranged in advance.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)